Yet Another Challenge

I had to meet with two doctors today to discuss a new finding on the latest CT. I now have "right mastoiditis." To be honest, I'm down in the dumps now. I was really hoping that the worst was over and this journey would be a lighter experience from here on out. Instead, I'm on antibiotics, hoping and praying that these meds treat the inflammation of the mastoid bone before this spreads anywhere else or does any damage.
Please keep me in your prayers. I'm so tired and discouraged at the moment.

I'll try to post some more tomorrow.

Weekend Setback

Everything was going so well that DH was finally able to return to work this past week. He worked one complete shift and got halfway through a second shift before he had to take off again. I felt so bad, I cried all the way to the hospital.

I returned to the hospital Friday night. After trying to rationalize new symptoms (nausea, all-over headache, rapid hot/cold flashes, muscle pains/aches) all night Thursday and all day Friday, I started running a fever early Friday evening. I took some Advil, started sipping cold Sprites, holding cold towels around my neck, and decided that it was most likely just a bug that the kids brought home from school. And hey, I'm a nurse, I know how to bring down a fever! So I kept trying. (I know, somebody smack me silly!)

Around dinner time, I finally got the fever back down under 100 when Mom showed up to check on me. She went to the closet to get a towel and kept trying to dab my incision line. I brushed her off and asked, "Mom, what in the heck are you doing?" She said she felt so bad for me..."sweating only on the incision like that" and wanted to dry it but "those sweat drops keep popping up all along your head there." DH had called and was talking to one of the girls during this conversation with Mom. The girls were busily repeating it all to DH; so I didn't even have time to call the doc myself.

DH was "on the horn" to the neuro, who instructed DH to go home and retrieve me and immediately deliver me to the ER, before I could even get to the bathroom mirror to check the situation out to see if *I* thought *I* needed to go to the ER. (Checking for skin color, equal pupil size, changes in eyes and face, fearing increased pressure in the brain, infection or that the "sweat drops" might be spinal fluid.)

Needless to say, it was another emotional ride back to the hospital. I HATE ERs, especially on weekends. And I really hated the thought of returning to the hospital, and feared being re-admitted.

But once again I have been blessed and was released Saturday....less than 24 hours this time! WOOHOO!!! But geeeeez, the amount of testing that can be done in less than 4 hours these days is absolutely mind boggling! I've NEVER been, or seen anyone else, moved through an ER so quickly! They had me in a room, machines hooked to both sides of my body, an IV started and hung, blood drawn, meds running and tests started...all in less than 1/2 hour! I had blood drawn and cultures done from both sides of my body, a chest xray, and yet another CT (Shouldn't I OWN that machine by now?!? I swear my butt print is imprinted on that table from being on it so many times in the past month!)

Long story short, (well, not so short at this point! *LOL*) there was no bacterial infection; it was a virus along with my hypothalamus (the thermostat/regulator of the body) trying to recoup. The doc said my weekend CT looked even better than the one from this past Monday. So my head continues to heal.

I really need to write a letter of praise to the hospital for the ER staff. They did a fabulous job and went out of their way to make and keep me comfortable. It really was one of the best ER experiences I've ever had/seen. Even DH mentioned stopping by hospital admin Tuesday when we return so he can talk to them about the experience. DH is in and out of various ERs constantly with his job. He said he watched one of the best MI (heart attack) responses/times he has seen "in forever" while I was in the CT. And he was quite impressed with how they went out of their way to keep me comfortable and him informed this weekend. Overall it was a good experience for both of us. Now, how many times can one say that about an ER visit??

Just Have to Share

I received the following scrap card from Kimberly Cameron in my email and just had to share with y'all. Isn't the layout beautiful? :)



I have another part of "My Journey" almost done and hope to post it later this evening. So stay tuned! :)
UPDATE: It posted....BELOW this post! So keep scrolling down! ~sigh~

MORE NEWS TO SHARE:
For some reason or other, my baby thought it would make me feel better for us to have "matching hair." So assuming that I would have to have the left side of my head cut short to match the right side of my head, she felt I would end up ultimately with really short hairstyle. So she got all her hair cut off last night! When she walked in I gasped, "OMG! WHERE DID ALL YOUR HAIR GO?!?" She laughed and said, "Well, I got it all cut off to be more like you. Dad's gonna get his cut off too!"
Me: DO WHAT?!?! That didn't make sense....Dad is bald!
Codah: Exactly! I'm not willing to go THAT FAR for ya! But we're all willing to be short with ya!

While I was very touched, I fear that their hair will be all grown out and longer than ever by the time mine grows out long enough to be called "short." *LOL*

The BAD problem

I got the call on a Friday morning, on my way out the door to work. The source of my "migraine" was BAD, both literally and as an acronym. BAD=Brain Aneurysm Disorder

I went through the entire circle of emotions: disbelief, shock, fear, anger, and a few others that I can't even identify. As a nurse, I knew the bottom line to all this: Aneurysms kill. And too many times they don't even give a notice. I've seen it too many times in my career; it ruptures bringing a single scream of pain, and then drops you dead. And many that live through it have lifelong neuro deficits rendering them permanently disabled.

So what was my main issue with this diagnosis? Well, I'm not afraid of death; I know my soul is sealed in God's Book of Life. But I was angry and upset because I don't have time for death right now. And I don't have the patience for a disability. There is too much that I need to do. And what would happen to my family if I died or was disabled? My DH doesn't even know where I keep the checkbook. I have two precious teenage girls at home who still need me as they grow up into dating, college, and womanhood. I still have so much to teach them and share with them. There's still so much I want them to know.

And then there's my house. Geez, I have three quilts that still are not completed. I still haven't gotten my Spring cleaning done for this year. And OMG, with death or illness, that means people from church and work will be coming to my house and will see all the things I haven't finished! And what about my office? Somebody at work will be using or going through my office; and it's a mess. I have 5 projects on my desk I didn't get finished and a stack of paperwork that I never got filed last month! Geez, what will people think?!?

And with these thoughts came other questions like:
Is my Will up to date? Hmmmm, haven't looked at it in 5 years :(
Are my Advance Directives and Durable Power of Attorney up to date? Nope, haven't looked at those in almost 10 years :(
Geeez, how did I get so far behind?!?

So I made myself a "To Do List" and started working on it. Looking back on it, it's really both sad and funny the thoughts I had at such a time. But I'm learning to prioritize again.

Lesson Learned: Take a day each year to sit down with your spouse and/or family to review for the "what ifs" of life. Update your Will, Advance Directives and Durable Power of Attorney and make sure your doctor has a copy on file. It's important for folks to know what to do, how to do it, where to find things and how you feel about things.

Here are a few of my lists for my family and myself.
The first two I did for my DH. The Love-Hate List was prompted when he kept asking me a dozen questions and complaining that he really didn't know enough about me to take care of me in the hospital. He was worried about things like "I know you like mayo on sandwiches, but would I put mustard on your hamburger? I can't even remember!" I couldn't convince him that I really don't care about having or not having mustard. So I told him I'd make him a list of my 10 most important likes and dislikes. Thus, the following scrap below.


Kit used: "Grandma's Kitchen" from Tina Williams

I gave DH the next scrap page in an attempt to convince him that I KNOW he loves me. I swear, he took this harder than I did. He wasn't even sleeping at night. Instead, he'd stay up all night, standing guard over me, "just in case" I needed something. He was so pitiful! I actually made this page a month or two ago but felt it was so appropriate to give him before this surgery came down. I made a page for each of the girls and grandsons too. But I'll upload and post those later.


"Life's Journey" kit from Cafe Digi and Alpha from RetroDiva's "Naturally" kit.

Here's my "To Do List" scrap, using Teriann Hanks' "Summer Farewell" kit. As you can see, much of what I THOUGHT I needed to do, didn't get done. *LOL*

My Journey

I've been scrapbooking "My Journey" with this aneurysm and have decided to share it with y'all here. I've learned a lot over the past few weeks. So over the next few weeks, this site will be dedicated to sharing my experiences with all of you.

Here is my cover page, scrapped using a kit by Creative Victorian. This pic was the "before" version of me, the woman I was before learning of my BAD (Brain Aneurysm Disorder) reality that hit me upside my stubborn, hard head. As this woman, I spent the majority of my days working on a career that I truly loved and enjoyed. I spent my time after work and on weekends with my girls, trying to enjoy every moment I had with them before they grow up and away. I've never wanted a lot out of my life; my main prayer has always been to remain healthy enough to work hard and raise my girls at least through college. I've never wanted to be rich or famous, or to have fancy cars or homes...just my health, my family, the ability and opportunity to work hard and play hard and a decent fishing pole with opportunities each year to give it a good work out. That wasn't too much to ask, was it??



I've scrapped several pics over the past week since getting home from the hospital. Some may be rather graphically ugly to some folks. If so, I'm sorry. But this is the reality of my life right now. And sometimes reality is graphically ugly. It brings us to places we would never choose to be, if given a choice. But being in such places provides us opportunities for growth and new knowledge and empathy for others, and sometimes even new understanding and acceptance of ourselves. And right now, I'm struggling to accept myself as is...less than perfect, human and mortal. This experience has brought out both the best and worst of me, dependent upon which day to which I'm referring and my mood of the day.

Please feel free to join me in My Journey, the journey that began with a headache at work one day and ended up two months later in an emergency major surgery into the middle of my brain, a surgery that will forever change both my life and my outlook on life. Hopefully, I'll be able to share something that may touch someone else's life, or even save a life.

Post Surgery Update

Well, I'm back home again after being in the hospital for almost a week recovering from a craniotomy to remove the aneurysm from the artery in my brain. What an experience!!!

I'm blessed to have no apparent neuro deficits after the surgery, which I'm told is a rare blessing. But being unable to lift, push, pull, bend, strain, etc is posing quite a challenge for me. I'm also trying to learn to tie scarves and headbands since without them, I won't be able to go out into public without scaring small children and some adults. My face and head are pretty wicked looking at the moment.

I'll keep y'all posted and updated as I get some freedom along the way. I may even scrap this experience since some of the girls' friends say I have the "kewlest Halloween look" going on! *LOL*

In the interim, I just wanted to let y'all know that the surgery went well and that I'm back home again.